I have so much to write on, I’m not sure where to start! So I’ll start with the issue foremost on my mind. I am certain that one reason the Lord led us to our current church is to teach me many lessons along the lines of the many pitfalls of being a minister’s wife. These are hard, painful lessons to learn. First, I realize that everything I say/do/wear/eat/blog about reflects on Philip and his ministry. There is no person on this earth that I hold in higher esteem than Philip, and to think that I could in any way hurt his ministry is appalling.
This gets tricky for me in particular because I’m so open with people, trusting that they will know my motives and my heart. I realize that’s not fair to them or to me, but it’s a hard line to walk, because I want to be genuine, transparent even, but I must guard my heart and realize I am not meant to share all of my struggles with everyone I like, because frankly I like everyone, so that would get out of control.
Also, and I suppose this is partly to due to the fact that I’m a therapist, when someone shares a struggle they’re having with me, it does not define that person in my mind. I rather naively assumed this was true for most people, and maybe it is, but not when it comes to their minister’s wife. I cannot hold this against them, mostly because it’s not biblical and also because, well, that would be exhausting and such a waste of time. I can, however, be wiser in who I confide in, understanding that I can be friends with people without, as my dad would say, dumping all of my trash in their yard.
Do you see how tricky this is? I mean, who wants to confide in someone who appears to always have it all together? Certainly not me. Also, I’m terrible at faking, which at a young age ended any dreams of acting. So I never want to give the impression that I am without fault or struggle. I suppose I need to find a way to communicate this without always sharing my exact faults and struggles.
Also, I’m discovering that I must stand up for myself. Also a tricky business, but also a biblical one. Philip, along with some dear friends, are helping me in this area, for which I’m profoundly grateful. Social workers are excellent at standing up for other people, but abysmal at standing up for themselves, and I’m a prime example.
So I will end this blog with a question. Any advice?
First of all, because I mostly retain the info. I just recorded; you taught me a new word “abysmal”. And I thank you for that. I just read a new book called ” The Ultimate Happiness Prescription”. It’s basically about being intouch with YOU. Makes me smile inside! Andi, if your motives are of a God fearing nature, the rest will fall where it may. Now, you thought I was going to say that everything would be okay now. Unfortunately we have nothing to do with that. It will be what it will be. You are one of the most wonderful human beings I know!! The world is blessed to have you for sure! Still doesn’t mean you always get the reaction you want or that things will always work out.No doubt in my mind your faith will guide you. Remember there is one Spirit you have to answer to and last I checked…worry is NOT in His vocabulary! We ourselves, I have come to realize, have control over but one single, and only one, thing in our lives; our reaction. Now think that through very deeply and you’ll see that I’m right. I didn’t write it. You and I are alot alike in that we have alot of faith in human beings. We are strong enough to have that faith & I would have it no other way. “Faith ends where worry begins, and worry ends where Faith begins. They will all be okay. You already are!! All My Love, Your Sis
Tina, you just have no idea how much your response means to me. I love you so much, and am so thankful to have you back in my life, and so proud to call you my sister. You are so very dear to me. Now, come to Colorado and visit me. 🙂 I would benefit greatly from talking to you in person!
As soon as I can and I am the lucky one to have you! This is not aimed at you, but I found a tongue sticker outer; 😛