Category: Biblical Womanhood

Last night I had the privilege to meet with a group of women to discuss a topic near and dear to my heart – the importance of Christian friendships among women.  This is a topic I’ve blogged about before, one that I feel passionately about.  I’ve been looking forward to this class, while at the same time having some apprehension about it.  It’s impossible to lead a class that discusses the importance of vulnerability and transparency without being, well, vulnerable and transparent.  It was an amazing first class, ending the way all good classes full of women should – most of us were in tears.

Copious amounts of material can be found on this subject, but there are two issues that I have found to be primary barriers to female friendships.  The first issue is that we are afraid that if people really knew us, they would discover just how neurotic and non have-it-all-together we really are.  I can claim this issue for my own.  You can only keep a mask on for so long before it starts to slip, and that can be terrifying.

The other issue that I keep encountering is that the busier life gets and the more items we have to juggle in our lives, friendships with other women are the first casualties of an over-extended calendar.  We simply have to cut something out, and so friendships get the pink slip.  This is an interesting dynamic of the self-sacrifice that we feel we must make for the sake of our families.

Both of these topics are ones I’m going to dissect and write about more in detail.  For now, how many close friends do you have?  (And by close friends, I mean friends who could look under your bed or in your closet without you experiencing a panic attack…).

When we moved to Colorado from Kentucky, I was pregnant with Justus and I had an 8 month old in tow. I was in great need of Christian women who would come along side me, encourage me, strengthen me, and make me laugh. I was blessed to find this so readily in my new home church.

As I’ve contemplated this recently, I realize that I truly was blessed, and that many women don’t have that opportunity. Women, I must admit, are strange creatures. We need relationships, we thrive, like some beautiful flowers do, when we are among other like-minded women. Yet at the same time, we can be so quick to turn on each other, to wound one another with our cutting words, actions and hidden innuendos. And because so many of us have experienced this, we are rather paranoid of it happening again, and often don’t let our guards down, resulting in a lonely existence.

Having been a part of this before from, I’m ashamed to admit, both sides, I’v been at a bit of a loss as to the reasons for this. Modern psychology attempts to shed it’s light on the topic, throwing around words like low self-esteem, inferiority complex, etc., but in my heart I know the true reason – it’s sin, clear and simple. It’s absolutely sinful to participate in such behavior. And I can say this so point blank because I have had this sin lurking in my heart before. It’s ugly, insidious and dark. It ruins friendships that God ordained, it destroys bible studies and ministries, it divides churches. And yet, for some reason, it remains such a constant in the lives of women.

I’m reading a book called Spiritual Mothering: The Titus 2 Model for Women Mentoring Women, by Susan Hunt. In it she quotes the 18th century poet and historian Matthew Arnold, “If ever the world sees a time when women shall come together purely and simply for the benefit and good of mankind, it will be a power such as the world has never seen.” She then restates it this way: “If ever the world sees a time when Christian women shall come together purely and simply to encourage and equip other women to live for God’s glory, it will be a power such as the world has never seen.”

And that is this reason Satan is so intent on keeping women so firmly entrenched in this sin, I am certain. Imagine if we never gossiped about each other, if we always went immediately to other women if we had any kind of an issue, imagine if we trusted each other with our struggles and our confessions, and never had to try to read between the lines, deciding if someone was angry with us, or was betraying our confidence? And we can have this! It’s ours for the taking, if we can put aside our selfishness, or self-centeredness, and live simply for the glory of God.

I guess this is a challenge, both to myself and the women who might be reading this. Let’s see if this is true, if by doing this we can unleash a power the likes of our communities have never seen.