Category: Church

I love to know what’s going on in the lives of those around me. I’m endlessly curious about all the details of their families, their work, their relationships with God, their child-raising techniques, the things that they are interested in, etc. If I wasn’t fascinated by these things, then Facebook would be a dead bore to me. As it is, I can get on Facebook and an hour can go by where nothing productive was accomplished!

That being said, what I’m finding that I need to guard carefully against is gossip, both the sharing and the taking in of it. And this is much harder than it sounds, as gossip comes in all kinds of forms. Besides the very obvious, “Did you hear about…?”, there’s the innocent-sounding prayer requests, the talk that begins with, “I think you should know what ________ is saying, for your own good”, and then there’s the classic, “Can you believe __________ calls themselves a Christian, but they did____________!”.

I can think of few things more destructive then gossip. Most of us have seen it rip apart friendships, families, and churches. Gossip is sinful and therefore evil, yet many of us who call ourselves children of God delight in spreading it. I can call myself out on this one and acknowledge that I’ve had to repent of this particular sin.

I’m wanting to wage war against gossip, in my personal relationship and in my church. What I’m finding is that many women refuse to be vulnerable with each other out of fear of what will be shared with others. Who has not experienced this type of embarrassment? If a person is young in their faith, it could absolutely drive them from church. I’m certain that gossip has to be extinguished in a church before a thriving women’s ministry can be in place.

I came across a great article on this topic by Katherine Walden, and would like to share part of it with you:

“Begin to look for the good and you’ll be surprised what good you will find, even within those who you never have quite found a heart connection. If you train your eye, your ear and your heart to be on alert for the good, you will begin to see the good by default. You’ll see the areas that once bothered you about a person suddenly become traits you can admire rather than cause you irritation. For example, what might appear to be unnecessary perfectionism may actually be a deep desire to lavish their very best on others and God. Assume the best in others and you usually will get the best in return.

When you are in the midst of a group that is intent on malicious gossip, try to swallow fear and attempt to speak the truth in love. By your example, you can turn the tide and build sandbags of edification to keep out the floods. Floods of maliciousness and pettiness wash away the works of God in not only the lives of those that the group gossips about, but also the very group itself! Try not to rebuke but lead by example, bringing up good points about that individual. If the ungodly conversation continues, walk away rather than take part in the tearing down of a brother or sister in Christ. Never listen to a person’s negative report concerning a fellow believer without making sure that person has first gone to that brother or sister in Christ in the hope of bringing reconciliation and healing. ”

Here are a few other quotes I like on this topic:

“What you don’t see with your eyes, don’t witness with your mouth.”

“Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you.”

I would rather play with forked lightning, or take in my hand living wires with their fiery current, than speak a reckless word against any servant of Christ, or idly repeat the slanderous darts which thousands of Christian are hurling on others. ” – A. B. Simpson

“If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.” – Amy Charmichael

Is anyone with me on this?

This past week Eli spent four days in the hospital, due to complications from RSV. His cough was so bad that he was throwing up anything he ate, and so he finally just stopped eating. When we got to the ER, he was so dehydrated that it took five times to get his IV in because his veins kept collapsing. Seeing your little baby go through something like that is horrifying, as so many can attest.

I stayed with Eli in the hospital, never leaving his side, which meant that I didn’t see Callie Grace or Justus. Since nobody prepares for these things, I had nothing lined up as far as meals, childcare, etc. Philip took the brunt of the stress, trying to be everywhere he was needed, and as usual never complaining about anything. But here’s the remarkable thing:

In those four days, my church family stepped in, in an incredible way. Callie and Justus were loved on and spoiled, completely taken care of by many amazing people, food was supplied, laundry was done, the house was cleaned, and all of this without ever having to ask. Eli and I had over 50 visitors and I was well taken care of with Starbucks, food, and love. Philip and I received countless messages of encouragement and support, and the number of prayers that were said for Eli was truly something to behold.

I would like to say that I was able to witness to many while in the hospital, but the truth is, my church family, you were the witness. You were the love of Christ in action. You amazed the nurses and the rest of the staff with your love for us. I may have invited them to church, but they were able to see in you a true community of believers that gave them a reason to be vulnerable and come.

I truly don’t know how people experience all that life brings, the good and the bad, without a church family. I have never felt more loved, more of a sense of belonging to something so much greater than myself, than I do now.

I remember that when I was growing up, my dad would critique every song that came on the radio. Part of this, I am certain, was due to the fact the he was a therapist, and he was also very cautious about everything that we listened to, watched or read. I’ve always had a penchant for romantic stories, movies and songs, so I would get so irritated when a song would come on that I thought was so pretty, with lyrics along the lines of “I just can’t live without you”, or “I don’t know who I am without you”, etc, and dad would say, “That’s ridiculous! And it’s not healthy! Of course you can live without them! You need your own identity”, etc.

Well, things have, naturally, come full circle. We bought Callie Grace a video of Sunday School bible songs, and she loves it (even though Philip and I both find the Sunday school teacher a little creepy). As I’m listening to the video, and listening to her sing a long, I was struck by one of the songs I heard. I’ll post the lyrics:
OPEN UP YOUR HEART (AND LET THE SUNSHINE IN)
(Stuart Hamblen)

Mommy told me something a little girl should know
It’s all about the Devil and I’ve learned to hate him so
She says he causes trouble when you let him in the room
He will never ever leave you if your heart is filled with gloom

So, let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Smilers never lose and frowners never win
So, let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in

When you are unhappy, the Devil wears a grin
But oh, he starts a-running when the light comes pouring in
I know he’ll be unhappy ’cause I’ll never wear a frown
Maybe if we keep on smiling he’ll get tired of hangin’ around

So, let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Smilers never lose and frowners never win
So, let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in

If I forget to say my prayers the Devil jumps with glee
But he feels so awful, awful, when he sees me on my knees
So if you’re full of trouble and you never seem to win
Just open up your heart and let the sun shine in

So, let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Smilers never lose and frowners never win
So, let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in

“What?!” I shrieked, scaring Callie right out of her chair. Realizing this wasn’t the best way to handle this, I’ve been trying decide what to do. I mean seriously, “Smilers never lose, and frowners never win”? “I’ll never wear a frown”? Okay, I get the sentiment of the song, truly I do, and I want my children to be happy, but I don’t want them to hide their emotions, and I certainly don’t want them to have some kind of wacked-out view of the gospel and the Christian life. It’s exactly this kind of sentiment that leads people to think the church is full of hypocrites, people who are never honest with what’s really going on in their lives. And I really, deeply believe that the things we hear and see as children form us and mold us, to an extent that we aren’t even aware of.

I’m sure I’m taking this to the extreme, I know, but where do I draw the line?

I have so much to write on, I’m not sure where to start! So I’ll start with the issue foremost on my mind. I am certain that one reason the Lord led us to our current church is to teach me many lessons along the lines of the many pitfalls of being a minister’s wife. These are hard, painful lessons to learn. First, I realize that everything I say/do/wear/eat/blog about reflects on Philip and his ministry. There is no person on this earth that I hold in higher esteem than Philip, and to think that I could in any way hurt his ministry is appalling.

This gets tricky for me in particular because I’m so open with people, trusting that they will know my motives and my heart. I realize that’s not fair to them or to me, but it’s a hard line to walk, because I want to be genuine, transparent even, but I must guard my heart and realize I am not meant to share all of my struggles with everyone I like, because frankly I like everyone, so that would get out of control.

Also, and I suppose this is partly to due to the fact that I’m a therapist, when someone shares a struggle they’re having with me, it does not define that person in my mind. I rather naively assumed this was true for most people, and maybe it is, but not when it comes to their minister’s wife. I cannot hold this against them, mostly because it’s not biblical and also because, well, that would be exhausting and such a waste of time. I can, however, be wiser in who I confide in, understanding that I can be friends with people without, as my dad would say, dumping all of my trash in their yard.

Do you see how tricky this is? I mean, who wants to confide in someone who appears to always have it all together? Certainly not me. Also, I’m terrible at faking, which at a young age ended any dreams of acting. So I never want to give the impression that I am without fault or struggle. I suppose I need to find a way to communicate this without always sharing my exact faults and struggles.

Also, I’m discovering that I must stand up for myself. Also a tricky business, but also a biblical one. Philip, along with some dear friends, are helping me in this area, for which I’m profoundly grateful. Social workers are excellent at standing up for other people, but abysmal at standing up for themselves, and I’m a prime example.

So I will end this blog with a question. Any advice?