Andi Meade

My Bible study group (made up of incredibly athletic women… and me) is currently working through the book Respectable Sins, by Jerry Bridges.  If you haven’t read it, you need to go out and purchase it.  It is incredible!  Most of my book is underlined, which sort of defeats the purpose of underlining (I’m kind of addicted to underlining things and putting stars beside important points).  Chapter seven is on the acceptable sin of ungodliness.  The author makes it clear that there is a difference between ungodliness and unrighteousness.  He defines ungodliness as “living one’s everyday life with little or no thought of God, or of God’s will, or of God’s glory, or of one’s dependence on God.”

Well crap.  (Which by the way is a word I can’t say around Callie Grace)

He continues by quoting Paul in 1 Corinthians 10:31, “So whatever you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”  He then says, “The all of that sentence includes every activity of our days.  We are not only to eat to the glory of God, we are to drive to the glory of God, we are to shop to the glory of God, and we are to engage in our social relationships to the glory of God.  Everything we do is to be done to the glory of God.  That is the mark of a godly person.”

Again, well crap.

I know I can certainly say that this is not how I’ve been living my life.  First of all, there is a laziness in me that prevents me from this, because it takes constant work and attention.  Secondly, I have so often let the world distract me from this, through books, movies, and any other number of ways.  This is certainly a challenge.

The author ends the chapter by saying, “Above all, pray that God will make you more conscious of the fact that you live every moment of every day under His all-seeing eye.  While you may not be mindful of Him, He is certainly aware of you and sees every deed you do, hears every word you say, and knows every thought you think (Psalm 139:1-4).  Beyond that, He even searches out your motives.  Let us then seek to be as mindful of Him as He is of us.”

So, this is a challenge I’m accepting.  Anyone want to join me?

By the way, the next chapter is on the acceptable sins of anxiety and frustration.  I think you already know what I would say to that.

For the last three months, I have been struggling with an illness that went unnamed, despite multiple, sometimes daily trips to the doctor.  To describe the illness, I could only tell you that I hurt.  I hurt so bad, every where, that I couldn’t function.  I felt like someone had beaten me up, and that went on daily.  I saw an internal medicine doctor, a rheumatologist, a gastrointerologist, I had x-rays, cat-scans, a colonoscopy, multiple trips to the emergency room, a reaction to a medication that made both Philip and myself think I was dying, and cost me an expensive ride to the hospital in an ambulance.  I couldn’t pick up my babies.  I could hardly carry my own weight.  Every movement was painful.

And then it was gone.

I tried for days and days to figure out what happened.  Had I stopped doing something?  Added something new?  Was it gone for a little while but would come back?  As I racked my brain searching for an answer, a very godly woman at church asked me, “Andi, why can’t you accept that it was an answer to prayer?”.  A simple question that stunned me.  Honestly, I had never even considered that to be an option.  Me, a Christian for as long as I can remember, married to an amazing pastor, had never considered that God heard all the many prayers offered on my behalf and answered with a yes.

It’s weird when something like that happens to you.  All of the sudden, you see everything in a new light.  Especially God.  It was as if all the sudden, if someone mentioned God, I could say “Hey, I know Him!  He healed me!!”  I felt like the man in the bible that Jesus had healed.  When asked what had happened, he said “all I know is I was blind and He healed me.”.  That’s the only answer I have as well.

Those three months were not wasted.  I saw love, genuine love, acted out daily in my household.  First by my husband who was so patient and caring, despite a brutal schedule and a class in ancient Hebrew.  I had women from church daily in my home, taking care of my children, doing my laundry, praying over me.  One doesn’t come away from that without being changed drastically.

The doctors never figured out what was wrong with me. They could give me no answer as to why I was healed.  No new medicines had been added or taken away.  I don’t know if it will come back or if it’s gone for good, but I’m thrilled to be safely in the will of God, so either way, I know He will use me, complete the work He started in me, give me eyes to see and hands to serve, and a love for Him and for people that had not been there, at least not in the powerful way it is now.

Justus Gary being his happy, happy self!  He now has four teeth in!

Callie Grace playing in the dirt at the church softball game, a little put out, I think, that she wasn’t allowed to play!

Andi’s Journal

August 17, 2010

The psalmist in Psalm 43 is asking God to vindicate him from the ungodly people, from the deceitful and unjust man.  But God, that’s me.  Deceitful and unjust.  And just a plain liar. You are the God I take refuge in, but I know exactly why you forsake me, or rather why I cannot stay in your presence.  Here’s what I need:  send out your light and your truth.  Let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling.  Then I will go to the altar of my God, to God my exceeding joy, and I will praise you, O God.  But no matter how hard I work, I cannot get there without you.  You must prove me wrong, in my doubts, fears, and just plain stupidity.  “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?  Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.”

Elisabeth Elliot said, “Someone who is suffering as a result of his or her own foolishness or failure may read these words.  These griefs are hard indeed to bear, we feel we might easily have avoided them.  We have no one to blame but ourselves, and there isn’t much consolation there.  Sometimes we imagine that we must bear this kind of trouble alone, but that is a mistake.  The Lamb of God, slain for us, has borne all of our griefs and carried all or our sorrows, no matter what their origin.  All grief and sorrow is the result of sin somewhere along the line, but Christ received them willingly.  It is nothing but pride that keeps me from asking Him to help me to bear the troubles that are my own fault.”

Oswald Chambers asked, “Have you ever heard the Master say something very difficult to you?  If you haven’t I question whether you have ever heard him say anything at all.”  That is so me!  Surely if it is that difficult, I must have totally misunderstood it!  Especially if he asked me to do something that my laziness and embarrassment don’t want me to do, or something that will take me away from something fun, and even sinful.  What a word for me.

Sorry for the rambling of my journal.  It seemed very appropriate today.  🙂

There’s really no possible way to sum up how insane the past month or so has been for me, and since I have been out of commission for so much of it, Philip has had an even crazier time, I’m certain.  Things aren’t resolved yet, medically I mean, but I have many tests scheduled and am feeling more positive about things every day.

My devotion today from Elisabeth Elliot was short, but like my devotion so often is, it was exactly what I needed to hear, and so I wanted to share it.  Nobody can sum things up as well as she can, in my opinion.

“On dark days when the only song we feel like singing is a dirge, we can pray, ‘Let the music of thy promises be on my tongue’ (Psalm 119:72).  This is no tear-jerking ballad of how I’m feeling.  The promises of God will lift me right out of sad sentimentality and put music in my mouth if I will think steadily on them.  Here’s one to sing: ‘Unfailing love enfolds him who trusts in the Lord’ (Psalm 32:10).
Do you feel nothing of the kind?  When did the validity of the Eternal Word rest on the mood of one of His poor children?  Let the promise be the song you sing.  He will hear it and make it true for you.”

I love the idea of the promises of God being the song that I sing, and if I can only get the Wiggles out of my head, I plan to try this. 🙂

Philip and I have been together for five years.  This is going to sound absurd to some and like a lie to others, but in five years, we have never had a fight.  He’s never raised his voice to me.  He’s never said anything that was intentionally aimed at hurting me.   He’s rather proved to me that fairy tales are true, which I always secretly hoped and I think actually knew, because what can possibly be more fairy tale-like than the story of Christ?  Love, in any form, seems to be for the dreamers and the believers of the impossible.

But I digress.

In the five years that I’ve been with Philip, I’ve seen him in the role of son, brother, husband, pastor, friend, mentor, teacher, and lastly, father.  It is this role that I want to talk about, a little late for father’s day, but important still.  Watching Philip with his children is more special than can be described.  This is something that you don’t have to take my word on, ask anyone in church or in the family.  In the same way he is with me, he is never inpatient with them, never seems frustrated, and above all, loves them in a way that clearly shows he would give his life for them.  He loves his boy, and I can’t wait to watch their relationship grow and develop, but there is clearly a special bond between him and Callie Grace, and that bond goes both ways.  Neither do well being apart from each other for long.  She looks for him first thing in the morning, she talks about him all day, she brings things to me to give to him when he gets home, and she becomes a sprinter when she hears the garage door open.  At times, but only in the best of ways, I feel like an intruder on their moments together.  But I feel like this is how it should be.  I would welcome anyone to come visit us, if for no other reason than to witness what I believe and father’s relationship with his children should look like.

One other quick note: I’ve been bizarrely sick these past few days (for those that have known me for a long time, isn’t that just typical!).  I have to say, and I say this with tears in my eyes, I have never felt more supported or loved.  My church family here has gone so far above and beyond what I could ever expect that I can’t possibly explain it.  My church family and biological family that aren’t here have sent prayers and support.  And then of course, there’s Philip.

There will always and forever, throughout eternity, be Philip.

Philip and I had the opportunity to spend a few days in Orlando, so we made our plans, flew our moms out to Colorado to watch the babies and set off for, what surely must be, the hottest place in the world.  We were gone for five days.  Five days away from Callie and Justus.  We missed them immediately.  By day two, it was barely tolerable.  By day four it became almost miserable.  By day five, we knew that if we didn’t get home immediately, we would go crazy!  So needless to say, that is the last time we leave them for so long!  They had a great time at home, and were well-cared for (read: spoiled) the entire time we were gone.

Before I got married, I traveled quite a lot.  I was good at it, too, good at finding my way around airports, cities, even foreign countries.  I could read a map, rent a car, get from one place to another with relative ease.  And then after I got married, it’s like all those skills deserted me for someone more in need of them!  I feel like a five year old these days when traveling, totally confused trying to determine which way to go on the interstate (“the sun sets in the west, look for sun, idiot.  Ok, it’s noon.  The sun is directly overhead…etc. etc. etc.  This is my internal dialogue :)), which terminal in the airport I need, where the nearest Starbucks is, what I can and cannot take on the plane.  The Lord blessed me in infinite ways with Philip, and one of these ways is that he is never lost, never stressed, never in a hurry, and never late.  Seriously, it’s a gift!  So, until I travel alone in July to Mikael’s wedding, I can breathe a sigh of relief that I know Philip will get us safely where we need to go.

One more rambling about airports.  I don’t understand the people that show up on the plane looking relaxed, fabulous, cool and calm.  I find myself walking through the airport, dragging my ancient suitcase, sweat dripping my makeup down my face, my pants always either a little too snug and dreadfully uncomfortable or a little too big, and in need of a hand to haul them back up, but said hands are full of mostly needless bags of mostly needless stuff.  By the time I get into my seat on the plane I’m exhausted, cranky, certain that if I wasn’t with Philip I’d probably be on a plane headed to Singapore, and always, always hungry.  Is it just me?

More importantly, here are a few pictures of my precious babies.

Callie rocking her baby doll on the back porch:

Justus and me today at the outdoor worship service:

Tomorrow I will post about Father’s day!

Okay, I’m back.

So, Callie Grace is now 19 months old.  She is hilarious!  She loves to dress up and wear my jewelry, shoes, and hair accessories (although she still has basically no hair).  Here is a picture of her in my pearls and headband:

She also likes to carry my purse, and at times gets irate when I have to take it back!  She seems to increase her vocabulary by leaps and bounds daily.  She calls her brother “Justy”, and just today has started to go to him to kiss her “ouchies”, or “elbows”, which she likes to call all of her injuries.  It’s a long story.

Justus is now 5 months, and seems to get happier by the day!  Here’s a picture of his fantastic grin:

Spring has finally come to Evergreen (!!!), and both babies love to be outside, which brings to mind a Caedmon’s Call song (although doesn’t everything?), “The children are sleeping, but they’re running through my mind.  The sun makes them happy and the music makes them unwind.”  So true for my babies!

Up next: Homeschooling has begun, even for Justus!

I love books.  I’m always finding a new book that I must have immediately.  Philip knows this about me, and humors me in this.  As proof that he really does listen to me rattle on (and I do rattle on, no doubt about it), about every two weeks or so I get a package from Amazon with a book that I mentioned to Philip that I wanted.  We have books everywhere, stacked on our dresser, the nightstand, the computer desk, not to mention the wall-to-wall bookshelf in our downstairs den.  I have more books that I want to read than I could possibly read in a year.  Which brings me to my current dilemma.  I have a habit of starting a book, getting about half way through it… and then getting distracted by a new book that I must have and start immediately.

So I decided to commit to finishing a book before I pick up a new one.  (This of course excludes starting a work of fiction when I’m in the middle of a non-fiction book.  Right?)  After I made this commitment, the next book I got from Amazon was The Godly Home, by Richard Baxter.  Baxter was a prolific English minister with amazing insight into the Christian life.  The hang up is, the book was first published in 1673.  Here is a quote from the book:

That Christian families are sanctified to God I prove thus: first, a society of holy persons must needs be a holy society.  A family of Christians is a society of holy persons: therefore, etc.  Second, we find in scripture not only single persons but the societies of such sanctified to God. See Deuteronomy 14.  So the body of that commonwealth did all jointly enter into covenant with God, and God to them.

Um… what?

It’s possible that sleep deprivation has directly affected my ability to comprehend what I read, but seriously, what?  I’m on page 78, and there are 224 pages.  I am determined to finish it.  Just, nobody ask me what the book was about.

Easter was a busy, busy time in the Meade household! Callie Grace enjoyed the entire weekend, and loved carrying her Easter basket around wherever she went. She had a hard time understanding the concept of finding eggs and putting them in her basket, and then an even harder time understanding why I wouldn’t let her eat all the candy that was in the eggs. However, her confusion caused us much entertainment, and the video of her hunting eggs is priceless. It can be seen on Philip’s Facebook page.

I am so happy to report that everything is fine with my baby boy! Justus is healthy and happy, and the sweetest little boy that ever was. As I write this, he is laying beside me on the couch, talking up a storm and smiling at me every time I look at him. He and Callie Grace are both such amazing children, it constantly amazes me that I’m so blessed and get to spend every day with them. The Lord is good.